spanglesplat's Diaryland Diary

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time to say goodbye.

I've MOVED!

I dont know why I moved, but I've moved. HAHA. I got converted by wendaye. Hmm and I dont know, I still might use this one, cos Im quite attached to it, but I just wanted to try something new!

Anyway most of my entries will PROBABLY be on FRIENDS ONLY entry, so if you really love reading all my entries that much then I guess you'll have to signup for a lj.. AHURHUR (: Nah my life isn't that interesting!

See you over the other side! Haha (:

20:57 - 03.04.06

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIZ! and JUDITH! and MEIXI! AND ROX! AND JULIUS! AND ZHAO! AND WEIYING! ohmy thats four days worth of birthday wishes. haha (: today liz told me that her younger brother in j1 told her that J1S (OR MAYBE THE WHOLE SCHOOL BY NOW) HAVE BEEN USING MY LOGIN ACCOUNT FOR SCHOOL COMPUTERS. hahahaha i think its absolutely hilarious! and extremely amusing. now everyone knows my IC number :O haha.

so thursdays devotions went okay. the school looks really dead from the stage though. such a contrast from before and after assembly! yay and thanks to all the people who encouraged me after that (: meant alot. mm i was choosing btw sharing about thanksgiving and choosing love - both so so important and something i want to share with my friends. but in the end i chose to talk abt thanksgiving, especially cos of term exam results.

results. sigh :(

;

I was sure by now
That You would have reached down
And wiped my tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say Amen
And it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God
Who gives and takes away

I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

22:38 - 31.03.06

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lets write an ending that fits.

today during lit s class, mr woolhead told us that his son's new favourite word is "RANDOM." and we all just burst out laughing, exchanging amused and knowing looks! hahaha that boy belongs to ac. :D

;

results are returning to us, slowly. im apprehensive and i dont know what to think if im asked to drop lit s. i dont really know what i'm aiming for now; i've more or less stopped entertaining any thought of a scholarship - i just wana get into NUS and pursue my dream of making the world a better place. sounds so simple huh? the in betweens are just going to kill me :( i dont know what to feel now, when i get back my results. the only worry i actually honestly have, is breaking the news to my parents. i've always wished deep inside that i had some really wonderful news to tell them, so that i can make them proud.

;

someday i'll fly
someday i'll soar
someday i'll be so damn much more

trust&obey.

20:55 - 28.03.06

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you're my miracle drug.

i need to once again learn how to take one day at a time, and focus on the blessings of today. when i think and worry about tomorrow or the future, i take away the blessings that God has prepared for me today. deep breaths. maybe deep inside im quite a scaredy cat after all.

one day at a time.

;

yesterday i got my younger bro to pick the lock to my drawer, that had been locked for really long cos i lost the key! haha and inside was all of my diaries/prayer journals or letters that i'd kept since primary four. amazing. my primary school records were just full of nonsense haha its amazing how uber childish i was last time. i started prayer journalling from about end of sec1 i think, till about now. wow. i was kinda shocked at how i managed to sort of chart my entire teenage years in all that ink and paper. i guess these are the things that i would never let anyone else read - the things that i would say only to God; and therefore makes all the contents super personal.

re reading and browsing through all of them brought back so so much. it was almost as if i was reliving my sec2, sec3 days again. it really reminded me of things and events that i had clearly forgotten. but reminding me of them sorta unclasped the jar of my memories that was sealed on so tightly, and let things flow. and by the end of it when i read the last few entries, i felt a clutch at my heart. i felt the surge and the grip inside. then i took up a pen and starting writing.

20:29 - 27.03.06

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nobody said it was easy.

so i finally managed to catch V for Vendetta today! with my mom! haha spending wayy too much family time these few days - the whole day on saturday and today as well. mm but as nat says, parents are good for health! and yes ok i believe him. i do i do (:

V was a really, well, shocking show! i think most of the show i had my hand over my mouth to like cover my ARHS! and OHMYS! and EGARDS! haha. but it definitely lived up to my expectations after hearing everyone go mad over the show. natalie portman is good stuff. and so is the voice of hugo weaving! sexy. haha i think fish can replace him next time. hurhur (:

;

and because nat reminded me and i forgot - here's the really good sermon that happened last week! please take some time and effort to read it, cos i think it will make you and me better people (: no one's perfect, but we can all try. i'm very certain that God recognizes efforts over results.

Call To Love

Humanity flourishes in love, and God has called us to love. The first greatest commandment was to Love God, and the second, to Love Your Neighbour.

God wants us to set an example for people, so that we, as Christians, can be different for Him.

"Love one another, as I have loved you; by this will all men know that you are my disciples."

Love seperates us from the world.
In loving, God is glorified.

What to Avoid if we want to love better?

01. Judging/ Labelling
a. we do not know how hard the person has tried NOT to sin
b. we dont know how strong the forces from the devil were
c. we dont know what we would do if we were in their position

02. Hypocrisy/Lack of Sincerity
03. Slander/ Rumour-Mongering
04. Envy
05. Excuses and Barriers
a. such as, "we have no time for empathy"
Needs do not follow fixed schedules.

"If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them."

What to Do Well to love others better?

01. Encourage
02. Forgive
a. who are we to withold forgiveness from others?
b. unforgiveness eats into the soul and destroys relationships
03. Show Grace
04. Accept
a. the beginning of loving starts with acceptance
b. everyone has an innermost desire to be accepted
05. Empathise
a. to look from others perspective
06. Be Sensitive

In the final analysis, love is sacrifical. in order to love those who are unlovable, the only way is to humble yourself, never consider ourselves better than others.

"Christ made Himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant
...He humbled himself
and became obedient to death -"

Self centredness is without a doubt at the core of our being. But we have a choice.

Love is sacrificial action.
Love gives, and does not demand.
Love always always pays a price
and comes with a cost.

I will not give God what costs me nothing.

22:10 - 27.03.06

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hello beautiful stranger.

the most wonderful feeling in the world,
to be remembered.

take care you.

21:54 - 26.03.06

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Love is a many splendoured thing
It's the april rose that only grows
In the early spring

Love is nature's way of giving
A reason to be living
The golden crown that makes a man a king

Then your fingers touched my silent heart
And taught it how to sing
True love's a many splendoured thing

Once on a high and windy hill
In the morning mist
Two lovers kissed
And the world stood still.

18:39 - 25.03.06

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here are some pictures from my birthday awhile ago! just got them from cheryl. and i like cheryls camera cos everyone looks very good in all the pictures. HURHUR (:

every nanyang girl a respectable member of society (:

17:14 - 25.03.06

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Go to your music player of choice and put it all on shuffle. For every next question, press next. Use the song title as the answer to the question.

01. What do you think of me, iTunes?
Fever (Ray Charles & Natalie Cole)

02. Will I have a happy life?
Thats When I Love You (Aslyn)

03. What do my friends really think of me?
Crazy For This Girl (Evan & Jaron)
(THEY THINK IM LESBIAN!!! HAHA)

04. Do people secretly lust after me?
Think Of Me (Emmy Rossum)

05. How can I make myself happy?
If You're Gone (Matchbox 20)
(Mmmm maybe maybe..)

06. What should I do with my life?
Goodbye Love (Rent Soundtrack)

07. Why must life be so full of pain?
His Hand In Mine (Elvis)

08. Will I ever have children?
Black or White (Michael Jackson)
(I find this really funny. HAHAHA)

09. Will I die happy?
I Will Remember You (Sarah Maclachlan)
(Wah and this is an ominous answer.)

10. Can you give me some advice?
Feel (Robbie Williams)

wah. although this totally doesnt make sense, the answers are really interesting!! hahahahaha and im highly highly amused (:

22:50 - 25.03.06

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forever young.

went for a short swim today after school at temasek club. new way of therapy. cos it was a weekday so there wasnt anyone in the pool so i had THE WHOLE THING TO MYSELF :D haha and my dad was reading newspaper. so i just swam by myself, a relaxing 20 laps. and while i was swimming laps, i was just thinking about stuff in my head, and sorta like talking to God at the same time. it felt real good at the end (: i think i shall do this more often.

;

i think im turning into a material girl because i keep having this craving to go shopping! which i know, is bad. whenever i ask my mom if we can go out to shop, then she's like what for? do you need anything.. then im like uh. no. DANG. haha. oh well. the woes of being a kid with no income. one day, some day! haha. mm and ive been pondering alot about post-A activities as well. how absolutely EXCITING. i believe it will be one of the most exciting times of my life - even more exciting than post-Os! but then i realise that in between theres alot of shizzer going on :(

A levels, A levels. SIGH.

;

one of the random thoughts i had while swimming today was how time passes so fast. its really shocking. and how when time has passed, you look back on it and realised that not alot of time has passed after all. until you realise the sequence of events and how much you've grown up - how much everyone has grown up. i dont know if you know what i mean, but i guess it just struck me as amazingly typical of LIFE. the unpredictable nature of it. and then i guess it emphasized how much lack of control (at all whatsoever) we have over our own lives. God is above it all.

mm but reminiscing about the past really does things to you. i remember totally random events from the past; such as when there was once in primary school assembly that yunzhi told me the 'what sport doesnt make you sweat?' riddle and i thought the answer was INGENIOUSLY brilliant. (the ans was swimming btw, and obviously to my childlike brain then i didnt realise that the sweat actually went into the pool) mm all these strange things. haha.

i've glad i've had so many good experiences through my life though. and so many good friends to see me through it. i guess after all, it is the company and the memories that will bring you through and that that you will look back on and smile. and wish you were back there again, right back at that moment, to relive every second of it.

as much as i hate hate hate to acknowledge it, acjc is going to end soon. i dont think ive ever felt so much sadness about leaving a school - ever. and somehow, somehow i just know that when i graduate, i'll be one of the ex students that will keep coming back to school; as if never wanting or never having to graduate, and wishing to stay entrapped in the walls of the school forever, hoping that time had stood still during these perfect years, only to know deep down inside that things have to move on.

if i had the choice
yeah i always wana be there
those were the best days of my life.

but the spirit remains.

20:25 - 24.03.06

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i cant take the distance.

i cant seem to find my camera wire which means that i cant upload pictures! :( which i have not done in awhile. i realised the dilemma of a camera phone is that now you dont know which one to use to take pictures, since your hp is usually the one thats at your fingertips. and soon when my mom gets the connecting wire, i'll be able to upload my camera pics into the com! :O and my old camera might (gasp!) become obsolete. oh dear :(

term exams are over. surprisingly the old sense of freedom and gallavanting and prancing around happily has yet to overwhelm me since the moment the econs paper ended. i think its because its A LEVEL YEAR, and A's are approaching surely and steadily - and although its still a distance away, its always at the back of your mind. if today i had sat down to study, i wouldnt have found it crazy at all. maybe studying is slowly gona become a way of life. HEAVEN FORBID. gah.

but anyway, yesterday the NON-MATH people went out after econs paper. chek, thng, miche, ethel & abel. yay. we watched yours mine ours, which was a superly funny show! it was hilarious we were like the only ones in the huge cinema and we were just laughing like crazy. and it was touching too, i actually nearly cried at the cliche ending. ahurhur :D before the show started we watched the trailer for mad hot ballroom dancing - and decided we were gona watch that too. HAHA so an hour after the first movie ended we watched another movie! it was sorta like a documentary but it was SO cool watching the young kids dance. and wilson! with super pretty eyes. hearts <3

after that we bummed around at borders looking at SUPER PRETTY STATIONARY and music. ohdear everytime i go to borders i sorta go mad cos paperchase is so pretty but i dunch have money :( :( SADNESS. oh well we all want alot of thing in life. boo.

;

school's starting again tmr! havent had proper school for almost two whole weeks now, i think im beginning to miss it. i love assembly! and i love our balcony seat, NOT because we can sleep, haha but because it has a really good view of the rest of the school (: yay. and im looking forward to monday chapel nxt week too. i miss chapel.

;

had a long overseas phone conversation with my second brother today! (: (: haha its nice talking to him and being retarded and just catching up. im quite jealous cos hes gona get to fly to many places with his friends and do fun stuff. and also cos he has money to buy stuff that he wants. haha but i like talking to my brother. even though he's a million miles away and we're in two teeny weeny seperate parts of the world; its amazing how talking on the phone connects you in that few hours. thank God for technology! :D anyway my bro's gona be coming back in may. yay thats something to look forward to!

;

mm i suddenly miss denzyl. i feel like calling him out to meet downstairs and then sit on the steps and talk. but he's a million miles away too! OH SIGH.

;

there are too many people that mean alot to me that are far away right now :( maybe not all of them are overseas, but far away all the same.

;

i still believe in feelings
but sometimes i feel too much
i make believe you're close to me
but it aint close enough
not nearly close enough.

i wish that i could carry your smile in my heart.

19:24 - 23.03.06

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every beautiful thing.

What a beautiful dream
That could flash on the screen
In a blink of an eye
And be gone from me
Soft and sweet
Let me hold it close
And keep it here with me

At least while it can last.

our walk.

00:20 - 24.03.06

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i miss somebody right now.
i don't watch tv these days.
i own lots of books
(yeah theyre in my house but i dont read them)
i wear glasses or contact lenses.
i love to play video games.
i've tried marijuana.
i have been in a threesome.
i have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
i believe honesty is usually the best policy.
i curse sometimes.
i have changed mentally a lot over the last year.
i carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
i'm TOTALLY smart.
i've broken someone's bones.
i'm paranoid sometimes.
i would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost and scar-free.
i need money right now.
i love sushi.
i talk really, really fast.
(i guess i can if i want to)
i have long hair.
i have lost money in Las Vegas.
i have at least one sibling.
i have worn fakehair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
i couldn't survive without caller id.
i like the way i look.
i am usually pessimistic.
i have a lot of mood swings.
i have a hidden talent.
(its hidden, so i dont know what it is)
i'm always hyper no matter how much sugar i have. (not ALWAYS)
i have a lot of friends.
(enough for me!)
i am currently single!
i have pecked someone of the same sex.
i enjoy talking on the phone.
i practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
i love to shop
(when i have the money..)
i enjoy window shopping.
i would rather shop than eat.
i don't hate anyone.
i dislike them.
(haha trying not to. CHOOSE LOVE!)
i'm a pretty good dancer.
i'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
i have a cell phone.
i believe in God.
i watch mtv on a daily basis.
i have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
i've rejected someone before.
i have no idea what i want to do for the rest of my life.
i want to have children in the future.
i have changed a diaper before.
i've called the cops on a friend before.
i'm not allergic to anything.
i have a lot to learn.
i have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.
i am shy around the opposite sex.
i have tried alcohol before.
i have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
i own the "South Park" movie.
i would die for my best friends.
(from my human perspective i say i would, but when it comes to the real thing i have no idea)
i think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
i have used my sexuality to advance my career.
i love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
i watch Spongebob Squarepants and i like it.
i have dated a close friend's ex.
i am happy at this moment.
i'm obsessed with guys.
i am punk rockish.
i am preppy.
i study for tests most of the time.
(key words: most of the time)
i tie my shoelaces differently from anyone else i've ever met.
i can work on a car.
i love my job.
i am comfortable with who i am right now.
i have more than just my ears pierced.
i walk barefoot whenever i can.
i have jumped off a bridge.
i love sea turtles.
i spend ridiculous money on makeup.
i plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
i'm proficient in a musical instrument.
i worked at McDonald's restaurant.
i hate office jobs.
i love sci-fi movies.
i think water rules.
i went college out of state.
i like sausages.
i love kisses.
i love hugs.
i fall for the worst people.
i adore bright colours.
i can't live without black eyeliner.
i don't know why the hell i just did this stupid thing.
i usually like covers better than originals.
i can pick things up with my toes.
i can't whistle.
i can move my tongue in waves, much like a snake's slither.
i have ridden/owned a horse.
i still have every journal i've ever written in.
i talk in my sleep.
(i believe so, sometimes.)
i try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.
climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
i have jazz in my blood.
i wear a toe ring.
i have a tattoo.
i can't stand at LEAST one person that i work with. (choose love...)
i am a caffeine junkie.
i do cosplay or know what cosplaying is.
i have been to over 15 conventions.
i will collect anything, the more nonsensical, the better.
i'm an artist.
i only clean my room when necessary.
i like a person of the same sex.
i love being happy.
i am an adrenaline junkie.
i am an activity addict.

21:55 - 22.03.06

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love is what makes you smile when you're tired (:

21:51 - 22.03.06

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oh lets go back to the start.

Come up to meet you
Tell you I’m sorry
You don’t know how lovely you are

I had to find you
Tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart

Tell me your secrets
And ask me your questions
let’s go back to the start

Nobody said it was easy
It’s such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard

I was just guessing
At numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart

Questions of science
Science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart

Tell me you love me
Come back to haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start

;

mm classic classic.

studying today. tash bev thng. orange and green. chicken FAN-TASTIC. ooooorrrrrrrr-chard. venezia <3 simply bread. talking. studying. dying.dies.

history tmr, econs the day after. its times like these that you feel like running away to somewhere where things that actually matter, matter.

i had alot of things to blog about, they're all swimming around in my head somewhere, lost amidst nuclear arms treaties and decolonization processes and bonds and interest rates; i do hope i remember them after the exams end cos i know they are important. one was the sermon on sunday.

;

you win some, you lose some.

it was a bad march holidays because of the looming term exams and the studying we had to do, alongside SIMUN (which really wasnt such a bad thing actually), and the fact that the holiday wasnt a holiday at all.

but on the flipside it was good and i never wanted it to end.

somewhat surreal, somewhat hard to grasp, somewhat elusive. but then you really were there.

and you'd never know, you were the reason why i was awfully cheerful. (:

19:43 - 21.03.06

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When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work hard whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is unconceivable that you should have it part. Because this is what love is...

Love is not breathless; it is not excitement; it is not a desire to make every second of the day, lying awake at night, imagining he is kissing every part of our body. That is just being in love which any of us can commit in.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love is burned away.

;

In the friendship which I am talking about, souls are mingled and confounded in so universal a blending that they efface the seam which joins them together so that it cannot be found. If you press me to say why I love him, I feel that it cannot be expressed except by replying, "Because it was him; because it was me." Meditating this union, there was - beyond all reasoning, beyond all that I can say specifically about it, some inexplicable force of destiny.

;

A true understanding and humble estimate of oneself is the highest and most valuable of all lessons. To take no account of oneself, but always to think well and highly of others is the highest wisdom and perfection. Should you see another person openly doing evil, or carrying out a wicked purpose, do not on that account consider yourself better than him. For you cannot tell how long you will remain in a state of grace. We are all frail. Consider none more frail than yourself.

;

and i see you standing there
wanting more from me
and all i can do is try.

21:50 - 18.03.06

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a broken heart can't be that bad.

you're waiting for someone to put you together
you're waiting for someone to push you away
there's always another wound to discover
there's always something more you wish he'd say

;

i'm getting into my lyricish mood again. was reading ron's blog, past entries and everything - its amazing how the songs can speak so much to us. they can actually articulate exactly how we feel. amazingness.

;

SIMUN has been taking a toll on all of us. not saying that its a total waste of time; i guess i did find it pretty interesting from time to time (ITS ALL ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE! MAKING FRIENDS!) hurhur. sooo glad i got siyou in my commitee though, we just stuck to each other like glue! but of cos we met new people (: haha. there's UKGUY, finella with the uber cool accent, 14 year old small scared looking girl, mr. GREECE who talks like mattchek, waterpolo eyeballer, PONNER sean and so on. we were sorta all forced to go up and speak in front of our committees and all, and i guess it was good, if not i guess most of us wouldve ended up stoning.

tmr's the last day. gotta wake up early again. doesnt feel like friday going on to saturday AT ALL. ugh. feels like, a holiday. haha. but its coming to an end and yesterday while i was thinking about it i realised that im really quite screwed for my terms. even though i only have 2 papers left, so actually i shdnt be complaining cos i have one less sub to study, but honestly honestly, im really scared that i do badly. the consequences i do not want to predict for myself. they'll probably turn out much worse. egad.

;

the week is ending, and i think almost everyone is back! reuben's back! and i think debator's are coming back tonight. hurrah. we can never get the best of both worlds, can we? they're back but we all got to study. life is unfair.

;

cos its you&me
and all of the people
with nothing to do
nothing to lose
and its you&me
and all of the people
and i dont know why
i cant keep my eyes off you.

i like the thought of you&me.

19:37 - 17.03.06

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baby this is all we ever could be.

icecream, walking, seveneleven, talking, blisters. but the blisters were worth it. so were the consequences. mm i dont know how to go about pinpointing the feeling; it wasnt the fluttering of the heart or anything like that - it just was.

i dont know how to describe it. i guess it was more of like spending time with a long lost friend than anything else. still special, somewhat, somehow.

i loved you then and i love you still
you're a friend of mine

22:10 - 17.03.06

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amazing love.

NAT! I FOUND IT! :D :D :D

The love of God is greater far
Than tongue or pen can ever tell
It goes beyond the highest star
And reaches to the lowest hell
The guilty pair, bowed down with care
God gave His Son to win
His erring child He reconciled
And pardoned from his sin

Could we with ink the ocean fill
And were the skies of parchment made
Were every stalk on earth a quill
And every man a scribe by trade
To write the love of God above
Would drain the ocean dry
Nor could the scroll contain the whole
Though stretched from sky to sky

O love of God, how rich and pure
How measureless and strong
It shall for evermore endure
The saints' and angels' song

i lovelovelove the second stanza (: i wish i could write like that. favourite hymn 1! and then there's favourite hymn 2, which is I Dont Know About Tomorrow. shall post it up another time (: aha nat, what would we do without hymns? oldies are the best. remember our song recording promise!

17:28 - 15.03.06

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I want to be beautiful
And make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart
And be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who i am is quite enough
I just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful.

21:18 - 14.03.06

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the goodbye girl.

spent the whole day studying at venezia by myself today. SOLO! no distractions. except for watching people that were going in and out. mm. venezia has NEW flavours! cherry mania and whiskey cream. yums. ive decided that out of ben&jerrys, island cremery & venezia, venezia wins hand down! haha. they have WONDERFUL flavours. i have rekindled my love for ice cream. gelato rocks (:

reached there at about 1130, had a bruschetta casalinga (HEAVEN!) then got down to studying. studied history the whole day, barely left the place except to go to the washroom. so at the end of the day - i think i left at about 7 plus - i had a bad headache cos i was in the aircon for so long. brr.

the most interesting thing about studying in venezia is the people that you observe and the conversations that you overhear. hahaha. of course when i was studying i had my ipod on and i couldnt hear a thing, but when i was like taking a break and stoning, it was really fascinating hearing other people's conversations. :O :O haha.

AND watching scandalous couples. hmm. SO MANY. lets just take one school for example, lets call it School H. haha so there was a couple from this school who was sitting directly opposite me at the far corner.. and at first it was fine. but after a while, too much mush came out. like the guy gave the girl his jacket and helped her wear it.. then they sorta held hands and talked, then the girl leaned on the guys shoulder and the guy leaned on the girls head. AIYO MA. it started off normal and then it got a little bit GETAROOM! for me. mmmm.. hahaha.

but despite all the mush, i guess it sorta struck me that it didnt matter what other people thought of them because they looked truly happy. and i guess thats what matters the most in relationships.

i guess we all wish that we could find that someone that belongs to us. the someone who can always always make you happy.

20:29 - 14.03.06

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MY RESPONSES NOW

I TRY: to choose love
I KNOW: my weaknesses
I WANT: to do well for a levels
I WISH: i could have my dog back
I HATE: irresponsibility
I MISS: you
I FEAR: not living up to expectations
I HEAR: alot of things!
I SEARCH: for people who i can keep for life
I BELIEVE: that God is in control
I WONDER: why life is complicated
I REGRET: not being decisive
I LOVE: my family & friends (:
I CARE: alot
I ALWAYS: try to make people happy
I DANCE: like CRAZY during orientation!
I SING: whenever i feel like it
I CRY: at deaths and pain and suffering
I FIGHT: for my rights
I WRITE: letters to God
I WIN: and its one of the best feelings
I LOSE: and im a sore loser haha
I CONFUSE: myself all the time
I LISTEN: to pretty songs
I NEED: love
I BREATHE: air? haha
I SHOULD: be studying
I DREAM: of really strange things :(
I FEEL: sad cos theres no one online to talk to
I AM NOT: AN AHLIAN.

MY RESPONSES THEN (2003)

I TRY: to look on the bright side of life
I KNOW: that i am turning into a slacker
I WANT: a digicam
I WISH: i could have more self discipline
I HATE: it when i get ignored
I MISS: someone i see almost every wk
I FEAR: losing the ppl i love
I HEAR: things that i shouldnt?
I SEARCH: for a closer relationship wif god
I BELIEVE: god loves me
I WONDER: why suffering happens
I REGRET: giving in to you all the time
I LOVE: the sky the stars and all of you (:
I CARE: abt pple too much all the time
I ALWAYS: try to put on a strong front when im hurt
I DANCE: when i feel like it
I SING: anytime anywhere all the time
I CRY: when im hurt when im sad
I FIGHT: when i need to
I WRITE: letters to god
I WIN: and im happy abt it
I LOSE: and im angry abt it
I CONFUSE: myself sometimes
I LISTEN: to meaningful love songs alot
I NEED: alot of love and care
I BREATHE: in
I SHOULD: be doing homework...
I DREAM: weird weird dreams
I FEEL: stagnant now
I AM NOT: just a simple girl

spot the similarities and the differences. so interesting :O

22:16 - 13.03.06

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the queen of hearts.

gerrard and nat came to my block after redbluegold and brought ben&jerrys! and um. aloe vera juice! and then we sat downstairs and talked. mm. apparently everyone seemed weird today at rbg. whywhy. i guess its a good thing i didnt go! :O haha it was nice chat. just sitting there and chilling. gerrard is HILARIOUS :D and we saw a rat. ohmygoodyness i nearly freaked out. and many ants. because they spilt the icecream. AIYOMA.

;

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
You been out ridin' fences for so long now
Oh, you're a hard one
I know that you got your reasons
These things that are pleasin' you
Can hurt you somehow

Now it seems to me, some fine things
Have been laid upon your table
But you only want the ones that you can't get

it may be raining
but there's a rainbow above you.

;

maybe we're behaving more like friends now.
at this rate, we might even go back to old times.

00:53 - 13.03.06

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you're irresistable.

i just realised that IM BREAKING OUT. ohmygoodness. its horrendous. the woes of being an adolescent.

which brings me to GP. haha. we had gp and lit today, in between a bunch of us went to xlb to eat and talk nonsense (so whats new) then we chionged back to school. gp was UH. lit was ohmy. i didnt come out feeling particulary good about myself, and after i asked everyone what their intepretation was they gave different answers so now im pretty much hanging in the balance. this doesnt look good.

;

so after the exam, nat and i took 74, with very honest intentions of alighting at the usual stop and going home. we met nat's classmate esther chua on the bus, and we started talking. we missed our stop, esther alighted at macritchie, and we stayed on the bus. and the bus just kept going. and the two of us just took the bus ride aimlessly to nowhere. it was pretty exciting! soon we found ourselves in places we'd never seen before. like angmokio, bishan, potong pasir, and finally hougang. so we literally took 74 to the terminal at hougang.. then we decided that how bout we take mrt to the airport to go send the debators off! brilliant idea. so off we went. took mrt from hougang to changi :D

haha so nat and i realised that we were actually dead broke and only had 10 bucks to share between both of us, so in the end we had a BK student's meal and SHARED IT. and we felt extremely sad and pathetic. haha i think it was a low point in our lives. SIGH.

haha then we met up with the debators and slacked with them for awhile before they went in. SO JEALOUS! :( we were superly jealous la. but im quite excited for them.

;

today was a really interesting day. i really love wasting time with nat. and wasting time has good connotations in this case. its like, seems like its a waste but its not! haha (: i believe we talked non stop from like 5plus all the way to 9plus. thats really crazy. haha. we talked about everything and anything under the sun and beyond. we did damn random things. taking 74 and deciding not to get off, throwing things into the bus window next door, listening to nat speak tamil, a certain someone on loudspeaker, people staring at the mrt, bhangras, lady who stared at my badge, going OHHH at little kids, mario spotting, nearly missing all our interchange stops at the mrt, being non-mrt savvy, taking the skytrain, feeling poor and pathetic, sharing a 3.95 meal, people spotting on the mrt & at bk (sting, terminator/-ed, paperbagladies, criminal man), reading daily bread, eye communication, not being able to take pictures properly, thng's rejection of parental love, competing with thng with comebacks, people at other tables staring, hiew's openness about the special relationship, parent analyzing, BEING JEALOUS, sending them into the departure gates, getting sent home by cheks parents :O

NAT! we had quite an adventure ah. and we took (almost) all forms of transport! bus, mrt, skytrain, car! we are just short of taxi and probably lrt. hahaha we shall do it like after a levels or something. and poor darroch. umm postpone postpone! :D

00:52 - 13.03.06

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